


When I said forever, I meant it.

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cheating!Dean, Eventual Smut, Heartbroken!Cas, Multi, Supernatural AU - Freeform, broken!dean, possessive!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 19:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel and Dean have been married for almost two years now, but Cas works too much and comes home exhausted. He leaves an unemployed Dean alone at home, feeling unwanted and abandoned. Can they fix it in time to save their marriage?</p><p>(This is basically a really long one shot.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Lisa Problem

Cas knew something was up. Dean had been acting strangely for the past month, but he had been too busy to worry about it until this weekend, when Dean had declined going to see a movie in favor of a drive. Which would have been fine, if Castiel had been invited. But Dean declared he had "needed some space" and pushed past him out the door, leaving Cas feeling very worried.

Settling down on the couch in the living room alone, he thought about them. How they had come so far, how he had worked up the nerve to ask Dean to marry him, and how he had almost burst with excitement when he had said yes. Until now.

Rolling over onto his side to get more comfortable, he wondered what had gone wrong. They were happy, or so he'd thought. But Dean had been going off alone a lot, and Cas got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he considered the possibility. Dean was running back to Lisa.

Lisa was Dean's ex-girlfriend with whom he shared custody of a little boy. Dean would bring little Ben home on the weekends, but this weekend he hadn't. Maybe Dean was with Lisa again. Maybe he didn't want Castiel anymore. Maybe their happy ever after was falling apart.

Stumbling and falling into the bathroom, he leaned over the toilet and heaved, some splattering his shirt. He didn't know how long he just sat there, headache pounding through his temples.

Great. Dean didn't want him. What did he do wrong? Yes perhaps he was very busy, but he was trying to do what was best for them as Dean was still searching for a job.

Throwing up again and still covered in vomit from before, he crawled back over to the coffee table in the living room. Hand reaching shakily for the phone as he tried to keep from crying. He dialed a number he knew by heart. Gabriel.

He got only the answering machine after five times of calling. For god's sake he was his only brother. Cas slammed the phone down, wiping a tear away before it had a chance to roll down his face.

But picking the phone back up to try one last time, he finally heard a voice answer. "Hey little brother...are you okay?"

And with that, Cas broke down. He cried until he had nothing left, he told Gabriel what he suspected, and to his credit, Gabriel stayed on the phone with him the whole time. Comforting and soothing his little brother that he had come to love so dearly, "Cassie I'm so sorry. Maybe we could meet for lunch tomorrow? I'm free for an hour at noon." Cas nodded gratefully though his brother couldn't see. He just needed someone right now.  
"Yes thank you Gabriel. I just don't know what to do anymore."

After finishing up his tearful call, he half walked, half stumbled up the stairs to his room. Their room. Dean's room. A new round of tears fell, as he slipped under the covers. Burying his face in the pillows, he smelled that wonderful smell that he had come to know as his lover's. Grabbing his cell phone off the bedside table, he quickly dialed the only other number he knew by heart. Dean.

It rang for what felt like an eternity, and then went to voicemail.  
Staring dumbly at the phone through tears, he tried to pull himself together.  
"Dean. It's me. I know you maybe don't want to see me right now, but you have to believe that I still love you. I know I've been angry and busy. I'm sorry. Please I just want to talk to you."

He hung up as he clung to Dean's pillow, and didn't know when he finally drifted off, but he knew he didn't want to face the world without Dean. He would be happier if tomorrow never came.


	2. What's up Winchester?

Dean drove a little faster than the speed limit. Okay maybe a lot faster, but the road seemed empty that night, so cops shouldn't be an issue.

He felt like he messed something up. Maybe Cas didn't love him anymore. Maybe Cas was trying to avoid him with work and other things. Maybe he should leave.

Slamming his hand against the steering wheel, he stared at a picture of them peeking out of the cup holder. Picking it up and tracing his fingers lovingly across Cas's face, he cursed under his breath. "Dammit Cas, I love you. But maybe you don't love me anymore. Maybe I should just go back to Lisa."

Dean had been going to see Lisa and Ben more and more over the last month.

Her smile, the way she looked at him with something that said she still loved him, and sweet, caring Ben.

Ben was the reason Dean had started hanging out with them again. Cas had been working so much, and with him being unemployed, he figured it best to try to spend some time with his son.

He was about twelve years old, and looked almost exactly like Dean had at that age. With an undying love for _Rock n' Roll_ and leather, and a freckled face to match, Dean had fallen in love with that little baby peering at him with huge eyes, as an exhausted Lisa held her new son proudly.

That had been twelve years ago now. He and Lisa had been together for nine years.

Until an angel had come into his life, and Dean had been captivated.

Running his hand through his hair and making a face that looked half pained, half nostalgic, he remembered the night everything changed.

\--

Three years ago he had walked into The Roadhouse for a drink _. Jo looked up from pouring a drink and smiled. "What's up Winchester?"_

_Flashing his signature smirk, "Hey Jo. Winchester is doing just fine tonight, though I'd be doing better if I had a drink in my hand."_

_"Coming right up Dean-o."_

_He loved the affection she put into his terrible nickname. Dean-o was anything but manly, but she was like a sister to him, so he didn't mind so much._

_Sitting back, he stretched out his legs and looked around. Ash sat in the corner doing some geeky computer shit, and Ellen was flirting with Bobby again. Ah the roadhouse._

_As Jo came back with his drink, he reached for his wallet and pulled out a ten. "Keep the chan-"_

_"I've got it." The man, a little shorter than Dean's height, with the bluest eyes and dark hair that shot out in every direction, handed her a ten instead. Turning slightly toward him, Dean saw that he was wearing tan trench coat that looked like it desperately needed washing, and a tie that looked like he had put it on whilst running out the door, but at the same time he found it strangely endearing._

_"Hey thanks man. I'm Dean." Clearing his throat, "Winchester actually. You may have heard of me." Flashing another smile and reaching his hand out to shake the stranger's._

_"I have. Jo has nothing but good things to say about you." He murmured. The look he have him was sincere._   
_"I'm Castiel. It's a pleasure to meet you, Dean," reaching his hand out to shake the other man's firmly._

_"Nice to meet you Castiel," as he rolled the name slowly over his tongue, as if he was testing it. "That's a cool name."_

_"Ah yes my family is fond of angels. We're all named after them." He said, ducking his head shyly. When he looked up to meet Dean's gaze again, the faintest of smiles was on his lips. And oh those lips. Pink and rough looking, though Dean assumed they were actually quite soft._

_He tried not to stutter as his heart raced. No no no this wasn't right. He was in a relationship. And this Castiel was a guy for Pete's sake. But despite his best efforts, he was falling for an angel in a trench coat with messy black hair, and the sweetest smile Dean had ever seen._

And in that moment, Dean Winchester had realized he was royally screwed.

Of course, things with Lisa had been going badly anyhow. She was getting to know Dean for who he really was. A broken man who had retreated so far into his insecurities that she feared he might never be the Dean she had thought he was when they'd first met. He also seemed distracted, spending far too much time at the roadhouse with his new "friend." Frustrated and angry, she had sent him away. _If he couldn't let her in, he wasn't worth her time._

Heartbroken, he had done the only thing he could think of. _Running to his car, tears burning in his eyes, though he was determined not to let them fall. Opening the impala's trunk with a thud, he threw in the bag that held his meager belongings._

His destination: _The Roadhouse. It had always been a meeting place for him and Cas, and he prayed he would be there now._

_Bursting in the doors, he came face to face with a shocked Castiel, who had been putting on his coat to leave before Dean had nearly toppled him over. Breathing heavy and wracked with grief, he grabbed the collar of his trench coat and pulled him into a rough hug. The look of shock was soon replaced with one of sympathy as he held Dean for a few moments._

_He recovered himself somewhat quickly and pulled back to look him the the eyes. Those eyes did things to Dean. He even dreamt of them. And yet there was an odd comfort under the intense blue stare._

_"Are you okay?" He whispered softly, causing a small shiver down Dean's back. Never breaking eye contact, he reached for Dean's hand and pulled him just outside into the parking lot. "I'm here for you, Dean. If you want to talk." He offered, with a concerned look, as he ruffled his already messy hair out of nervousness._

_"Lisa broke up with me." He blurted out, leaning against the wall next to Castiel. "And I didn't know what to do. So I came here. Hoping you'd be here. Praying you'd be here."_

_He knew Lisa could never make him feel, like this beautiful man with the messy hair and dirty trench coat with a crooked tie could._

_"I'm so glad I was."He murmured, giving him the same shy smile he had on the night they had met. "Do you need somewhere to stay?"_   
_"I-I guess I do." Dean stammered, face flushed, "if you're cool with putting up with me, that is."_

_Castiel had no problem with that. He had come to love this man and all his flaws. Taken the time to try to count the freckles on his face, loving the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled._

_Castiel smiled again, "Of course Dean, I have an extra bed. You can stay as long as you need."_

\--

Eyes stinging with remembrance of what once was, he set his jaw and looked ahead, pulling into the driveway at Lisa's house.

They had remained friends, and Lisa had began to miss him dearly as the years went by. Ben was the thing that had brought them back together really, and she had wanted Dean.  
And she wasn't shy about letting him know. Caught off guard as she had pushed him against the wall one chilly day, kissing him like her life depended on it, he realized that she loved him. And even if Cas didn't anymore, he still had Lisa. Right?

Still it pained him. He loved Cas. Deeply. Truly. But if Cas didn't want him, didn't love him anymore, then he would just have to man up and move on.

Slipping out of the impala, he raised his hand to knock, knowing Lisa would want him. Not to stay, but he just needed to be away for the night. To drown himself in cheap alcohol and a woman. He needed to feel numb.


	3. Gabriel: AKA Therapist

"Hey Cassie."  
He whipped around to see Gabriel saunter up to him and reach up to put a hand on his shoulder.  
"You're late." Was Castiel's only reply.  
"Yeah I'm sorry little bro, I got somewhat caught up." He said as he glanced seductively back at the scantily clad blond who had just finished handing him her number.  
Sigh. At least he knew his brother hadn't changed any since he last saw him. Motioning to some chairs on the patio, they waited for the waitress.  
"I think Dean hates me." He could barely hold back tears.  
"You see, I've been really busy lately, and when he's tried to talk to me or touch me, I've been irritated and angry. And it's not his fault. It's my work. I hate it Gabe. Working for Crowley is a horror. But it's the only job I have. And Dean doesn't have a job. So I have no choice. But maybe he feels like it's him. I know Dean's more than insecure, but I didn't think it would affect him like this."  
Gabriel pulled a hand through his light brown, sort of long, hair thoughtfully.  
"Castiel." He said finally. "You need to make Dean understand that you love him. And for Dean, he believes what you see is what you get. Meaning," he motioned with his hand, "you have to show him you love him."  
"Show him? But how? He's gone Gabe, and I can't bring him back."  
"Well perhaps he isn't. Maybe he's just waiting for you to stop him. Make him feel like he's worth stopping. Worth asking to stay. You have to show him the Castiel that he first fell in love with." Gabe said softly, eyes full of sympathy. He didn't want to see his brother suffer, Cas knew that.

And as he fell asleep that night, he thought about how he could win Dean's heart back. Because Dean was worth fighting for. And he was never gonna let Lisa just take him. If he was going down, he was going down swinging.

Remembering the night he asked Dean to stay with him was painful. It had been such a beautiful moment.

_He gazed into his eyes, blushing slightly as he'd asked Dean to stay. Dean needed him. And Castiel had needed Dean just the same. Opening the door to his tiny apartment, he had motioned to the spare room just to the left of the main area. "You can stay here for as long as you need." He said, tone soft. "I'll be in the room just across if you need anything."_

He remembered making Dean pancakes and bacon the morning after, and Dean had told him he loved bacon almost as much as pie. Though not quite, as "pie was his one true love and nothing could separate them" as Dean had put it.

 

A hard look of determination swept across his features as he clung yet again to Dean's pillow, climbing into bed exhaustedly. Hoping, praying, that he would come home tonight.

 

\------

 

Dean did in fact return, very drunk and stumbling, through the door. He kicked off his shoes, not caring where they landed, and fell onto the couch with a thud. Pressing his fingers to his temples in a futile attempt to stop the hangover that was slowly creeping in. The numb feeling he had was quickly replaced with guilt. But that passed too, and all he felt was anger. Slamming his palm to his face, he shook with drunk frustration. "See what you've done to me? See who I am without you?" His voice was a low growl. He knew he should try to talk to Castiel, but he couldn't bring himself to. Closing his eyes, he remembered the last time he had tried to kiss Cas.

"Dean, I said I'm not in the mood." He said, brushing Dean's hand away from his face.  
"Cas, can't a guy kiss his husband?" Frustration seeping into his voice.  
"I need to sleep Dean, Crowley has been working us all far too hard this month, and I'm exhausted." His voice was gravelly and he sounded like he'd been hit by a bus. But Dean was going to push this one.  
"Castiel," he said, grabbing his jaw to keep his gaze. "Look, I know you're tired, but when was the last time you even hugged me for real? Like you used to do? It's been weeks." He paused, lowering his voice to a desperate whisper, "I need you."  
Castiel wasn't having it. Not tonight. Not after working 14 hours of heavy labour, barely getting paid enough to keep paying the bills.  
"Dean, I need to provide for us, and to do that I need sleep. We have no money. You don't have a job," he could see a look of hurt cross Dean's features, and he felt slightly guilty, but continued nonetheless."and I'm working fourteen hours a day, barely getting paid. Please. I'm going to bed." He said, brushing past the taller man as he went up the stairs.

Dean buried his face further into the couch so as though trying to physically push away his worries. If that wasn't rejection, what was?


	4. Castiel's determination

When Dean woke, he smelled something good coming from the kitchen. Curious, he pushed himself up off the couch and stumbled out of the room towards the smell. Bacon. Oh Cas knew what he liked. But Dean was still angry. Well, more hurt than anything, but anger was always his way of shoving down more vulnerable emotions. Castiel turned his head to look at Dean, who was still standing in the doorway.  
"Hey sleepy." He offered, with a hesitant smile. Dean didn't return the smile. He just yanked a chair out from the table, sitting down, still refusing to meet Castiel's gaze.

Reaching to put some pancakes on his plate, he finally looked up.  
"What's gotten into you?" He said, no readable emotion on his face. It was just a question, his tone level.

Castiel looked pained for a second, but quickly recovered, mumbling "I just wanted to make my husband breakfast."

"Well. Uh. Thanks. Bacon is my favorite."

"Yes I know Dean." He said softly. "You've said that many times."

With a snort, Dean retorted, "Didn't think you were even listening."  
Getting up quickly, he put his now empty plate in the sink and walked quickly out of the room, leaving Castiel feeling crushed. But he refused to give up on Dean. And to start, he would explain to Crowley why he was late for work this morning. If Crowley would cut him some slack, he might be able to find more time for Dean.

 

\------

 

"What do you mean you were _making breakfast for your husband_?" Came the angry shout. "Do you think I _care?_ Do you think I'm paying you to stay at home, playing bloody _housewife?_ "

His tone indignant and accusatory as he stared down a weary looking Castiel from across his desk.

"No sir you don't." He frowned slightly. "But I was wondering if you could cut down my hours without cutting my pay too much?" Not even daring to look hopeful, he waited for Crowley's response.

Rage didn't exactly cover it. Crowley's hands shook as he growled at Castiel, "YOU'RE FIRED NOVAK. DO YOU HEAR ME? _FIRED!_ How _DARE_ you talk back to me! Get out!" As he motioned angrily at the door. "And don't even _think_ about stepping foot here again." He added, as he slammed the door behind him.

Great. Fired. Now how was he going to make money? Picking up his cell to call Gabriel, his call was answered after only ringing once. Clearly his brother was worried about him.  
"Are you okay Castiel?" Came the voice of a worried Gabriel through the speakers.

"I'm alright Gabe. I just. Kind of got fired." He sighed, closing his eyes as he struggled to accept he had nowhere to go.

Gabriel didn't answer right away, but then he piped up, "Well you're kind of in luck. See, I know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody who knows. And they got me in touch with a really nice guy looking to hire a sturdy young guy to do some mechanic type stuff. He's paying really well Castiel, and you know I'm not into that type of thing. You know, physical _labour_."

Castiel could almost see the look of disgust on his brother's face at the thought of doing anything that required using energy. Other than sex, that is.

"That would be amazing Gabriel, thank you. How can I get in touch with him?"

"Okie dokie little bro. His name's Singer. Bobby Singer. I'll email you his number."

 

Castiel hung up the phone and sighed with relief. Better hours, better pay. Dean would be thrilled. He hoped so anyhow, biting his lower lip slightly out of nervous excitement.


	5. What about us?

Slipping a tie on over his suit, he tugged at it's itchy collar, adjusting it every which way until it looked worse than before. Huffing slightly he tried once more. He had never been good at tying ties. With a stab of emotion, he remembered Dean always did his ties for him. Pushing the feelings quickly to the side, and leaving the tie as a lost cause, he hurried out the door to the interview.

 

\------

 

A gruff looking man motioned to a slightly dirty chair in what was apparently his office, though it was mostly just a desk and two chairs and papers piled high.

 

"So you want the job eh? You look a bit pretty for this kind of work." Came the man's voice, which was just as gruff as the outside of him.

Shifting forward a bit in his seat, he looked Bobby in the eye.

 

"I worked for Crowley before."

 

Bobby's eyes widened at what he heard. "C-Crowley?" He choked. "Pfft ya idjit! That man works you to the bone and pays you less than half of what he ought."

Castiel looked down.

"Yeah, I know. But my husband Dean doesn't have a job currently, and I'm trying desperately to make ends meet."

"You're hired." Bobby said, his eyes fierce. "You look strong enough, and I won't let you go back to that bastard." He spat.

Hope filled Castiel's eyes. Grasping Bobby's outstretched hand, he shook it firmly.  
"Bobby you're a saint. Thank you. I won't let you down."

Bobby just grunted.

"You start tomorrow morning, come by around 10:00. I'll show you the ropes." His eyes softened slightly, "Hope this will help you an' your husband a bit."

 

\------

Rushing home to see Dean, he burst through the door, only to stop dead in his tracks. There was Dean. But he was in the middle of kissing Lisa, not hearing the door open.

Hurt and confused, Castiel stepped into the room. Dean looked up, eyes wide with surprise and guilt.

"Cas-"

But Cas wasn't listening. Stumbling blindly out the door, he didn't know how long he ran, but he didn't stop until he was gasping for breath. Collapsing on the grass in what he now recognized as Gabriel's lawn, he let himself drown in his tears, not even bothering to try to stop them.  
He had certainly suspected something was up, but now he knew it, and the pain was a million times worse. How long he lay there, he didn't know. But it was getting dark out. Looking up to see a car's headlights pull into the driveway, he felt defensive. He didn't want to talk to Dean. Not now. Not after what he saw. He needed time. Time to pull himself together. But to his surprise, Gabriel hopped out of the car, leaving an annoyed looking brunette in the front seat. He didn't speak, he only wrapped his arms around his little brother, letting Cas cry into his shoulder, hand gripping his sleeve like a vice. Dean Winchester would pay for this.

 

\------

 

Dean felt awful. Downing his fifth bottle of beer, he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Truth is, he hadn't really. He hadn't even been getting his four hours. Castiel haunted his thoughts. How those shockingly blue eyes had looked so hurt and rejected this afternoon, and Dean realized he had put that look there. Furious with himself, he smashed his hand against the mirror, shattering it in all directions. Ignoring the searing pain, he continued to curse at himself. His voice low, he growled. "Stupid, _stupid_ Winchester." He knew he shouldn't have let Lisa in that morning. She had said she'd only wanted to talk, so he had cautiously agreed to coffee. They talked of Ben, how his school was going, and then Lisa moved to the topic of them. Dean still didn't want to leave Castiel. He loved him. Despite everything, Dean fucking loved him. But Lisa wanted him. And Dean hadn't felt like Cas really wanted him in a long time. The kiss was tentative at first, but Lisa made it clear she wanted Dean. Wanted all of him. So he went along with it. A new pang of guilt shot through him as he ignored the mess in favor of stumbling up the stairs to bed. Opening the door and peeking in, he saw Castiel had clearly been sleeping on his side of the bed. The sheets were messy, and the pillows looked tear stained. Throwing himself onto the bed with what little energy he had left, he felt his own tears soak Castiel's pillow, clutching it to his chest like a lifeline. This time it was Dean's turn to pray that Cas would come home, though he wouldn't blame him if he never did.


	6. What it means to love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll wrap it up here. Thanks for the wild ride y'all! I had fun with them. I might write a sequel at some point, who knows. But for now, I hope you enjoyed :)

Dean Winchester would pay. Gabriel vowed this to himself as he helped a still sobbing Castiel into his apartment. Cas was too weak to protest when Gabriel made him take the bed and he slept on the couch. The couch was uncomfortable, but it gave Gabe time to think. He was going to go over in the morning and give that bastard a piece of his mind. He didn't mind that he stood at only five foot eight, he was gonna pound that guy's face into the pavement if he ever tried to hurt Castiel again.

\------

Dean woke up to knocking, well more like _pounding_ , at his front door.

"Open up Winchester! We need to fucking talk."

Crap. It was Gabriel. He didn't seem to have much of a choice, besides, he was 6 inches taller and much heavier, so he wasn't too afraid. More insistent pounding on the door, and Dean finally crawled out from under the covers. Tripping down the last two stairs he grabbed the door for support. He should really try not to get hungover next time he had to confront someone. His headache was raging and he tried to push it away before opening the door. Standing there, fist raised in mid-knock, Gabriel looked just like when he'd seen him last, about 8 months ago for Christmas. Except now he looked livid.

"Hey Gabriel." He mumbled, still wiping the sleep from his eyes. Not that he got any, really. He might have drifted off for an hour, but last night had been like slow torture. He wanted to see Cas so he could apologize, but then he reminded himself that Cas didn't want him, and now he was sure of it.

 

"Don't you dare 'Hey Gabriel' me." He paused, trying to control his emotions.  
"Look, I'm not Castiel. You can't just sweet talk your way outta anything with me pal. So why don't you go ahead and tell me what the fuck you pulled yesterday, since Cas doesn't seem to want to talk about it."

Standing there dumbfounded, he found himself struggling for words.  
"I-I don't know." Was all he could muster.

 

Sarcasm practically dripping from his tone, Gabriel spoke. "Oh that's _wonderful_. You don't know. Well I suggest you get thinking because six foot one or not, I will break your face." Gabriel pushed his way into the house, past a still shocked Dean, and motioned to two chairs.  
"Sit." He ordered. And Dean obeyed.

"Now why don't you tell me what's going on between you and Cassie?" His voice was low and menacing.

 

Dean pushed a hand through his hair, messing up his already messy hair. He sighed. Well. No time like the present.

"Look, I may as well explain. Cas doesn't love me anymore, and my ex girlfriend does apparently. So I won't be a burden to him anymore." Dean struggled to keep his voice level.  
"I still love him, but if he doesn't want me, there's nothing I can do. I'm a screwup with a kid I don't even take proper care of, I don't have an education past my GED because I was a fucking highschool dropout, and I don't have a job. I have nothing to offer."

 

Gabriel's tone was much softer when he spoke, and Dean was glad for that. "Hey. Castiel doesn't love you for what you can give him. He loves you because he loves YOU Dean Winchester. And he had just been coming to tell you he got a new job, with much better hours and better pay, so you guys would have more time together."

 

Dean looked up at Gabriel, eyes wide with shock. He had gotten a new job because of him?

 

"I-I'm so sorry Gabriel. I didn't know. I mean. I didn't let Lisa in for that." He mumbled, eyes downcast.  
"She wanted to talk about Ben. Or that's what she said. And then she kinda surprised me and I went along with it, but I swear I hadn't meant for any of that to happen."  
Tears now filled his eyes. "I miss Cas. I miss him so much, Gabe. No matter what I do, I can't imagine life without him. Do you know how he found me?" He asked.

Gabe shook his head.

 

"Well. I went to The Roadhouse that night, as Lisa had kicked me out. And Cas just asks me to stay. And I didn't really know what to think at that point. I was really starting to like him. He made me pancakes and bacon for breakfast, and he tried to do that yesterday morning too, but I was blind. I couldn't see past myself in this." He inhaled, before continuing.  
"I was a full blown alcoholic, but he let me stay for as long as I needed. Even when I just drowned myself in cheap booze. And since I couldn't find a job, I needed a couple months to figure things out. Cas, he liked to stare, so one night, about six months of me staying there, he was just staring at me like he usually would, all bundled in that trench coat, and I just leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't long, it was just a kiss. But when I pulled back and looked in those soft blue eyes, I knew it was much more than that. I realized he loved me, and to my shock, I guess I loved him too." He said, rubbing his temples.

 

God he was turning into such a _girl_ , with all this _feelings_ talk and shit.

 

Whatever anger Gabriel had left his features, and he paused thoughtfully before he spoke. "Dean. Castiel is absolutely a _wreck_ without you. And I should be angry right now. But I can't. You're the only one who can make him okay. So get your ass on the phone and call him."

 

Dean didn't need to be told twice.  
Grabbing his cell and thanking Gabe, he ran up to their room, which was dimly lit, and stood next to the bed.

Praying Castiel would answer, he dialed. And held his breath. After what seemed like an eternity, though it was only a minute or so, he heard a ragged, sleep deprived voice.

 

"Hello Dean."

 

"Um. Hey Cas. Look, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Gabriel. He came and talked some sense into me." He said with a small, hesitant laugh.

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. And Dean started to panic. Had he said the wrong thing?

"Uh, what I mean to say is, I love you. I love you and I miss you and _god_ Cas," he ran a hand through his hair, screwing his eyes shut.

He might as well say what he feels. His entire world seems to be hanging in the balance, and if telling Castiel how he feels will save him, he'll do it.

 

"Life without you isn't even living. It's just existing. You knew me before. You saw what a mess I was. But then that day at the Roadhouse, I met an angel in a trench coat, and my life was changed. I don't want to go back. Ever. I don't want to have to live in a world without your beautiful blue eyes, your messy dark mop of hair, and your smile. Cas, you make me feel. And I don't want to be numb again."

 

There was silence for a few moments, and then Dean heard a muffled crying. The door to his room swung open, and there stood Cas. Still holding the phone to his ear, but an expression of unbridled love across his features. They stood there for a few moments, just taking each other in. Both still had phones to their ears as they'd completely forgotten everything but each other. And before Cas knew what was happening, Dean grabbed him and spun him around, tackling Castiel to the bed. Reaching up to smother him in kisses, he whispered through his tears, "I love you Dean. I can't stop loving you, no matter how hard I try. It doesn't matter what you do, or what you say. I will always love you."

 

In one swift movement, Cas had rolled Dean onto his back as he straddled his hips. Moving his hands up his torso, he began to fumble with the buttons on Dean's shirt. Looking up into his eyes quickly to make sure this was okay, he saw the need in those deep green eyes, and just gave up trying to undo the buttons in favor of ripping the shirt off of him.

He had waited too long for this.

Erection grinding down on his lover's, he leaned in for a hungry kiss. Tongues clashing, Dean bit Cas's lower lip lightly, making Cas's head spin.  
Pausing only to rip his own shirt off, he shoved his mouth back on Dean's forcefully.

"Cas. Need this. Need you-" A strangled moan choking off whatever else he meant to say, as Cas's teeth scraped across one of his nipples. Dean reached up to undo Castiel's belt, throwing it somewhere off the bed, using his free hand to stroke the stubble on his angel's jaw.

"Too many clothes." Cas mumbled, as he pulled back to slide his pants and boxers down in one slick motion. Using his feet to kick them the rest of the way off, he now focused his efforts on removing Dean's pants and boxers. He lifted his hips off the bed slightly so Cas could pull them off, and as they landed somewhere near his own, he pulled them together, chests touching, erections grinding against each other.

Dean was beautiful like this. Coming undone by Castiel simply touching him.

Hungry for more, he fumbled with a bottle of lube he'd grabbed off the bedside table. Sucking and biting marks on Dean's exposed neck, his mouth moved down onto his chest and stomach, finally settling around his throbbing cock. The noise Dean made should have been illegal, as he nearly came just by the sound of his lover's voice.

_God he'd missed this._

He opened his mouth wider, letting his jaw go slack as he deep throated the other man. Licking off some precome at the head of Dean's cock, he pulled back to apply some of the cold lube to his own. Dean whimpered at the loss, but arched his back off the mattress with a cry of his angel's name as he slipped a finger inside him.

Castiel went back to kissing his lover as the burn subsided a bit and he pushed in a second finger. Dean was practically shaking now, panting and sweating, and his heart raced at the thought that this gorgeous man was all his.

"You're _mine_ baby." Sucking another mark onto Dean's chest. "You're all _mine_ , and I'm gonna fuck you till all you feel is _me_ for a week." He said, scissoring Dean a little more. Dean moaned and ground onto Cas's fingers.  
"Yes-please please" he gasped. "Fuck me now."  
Pulling his fingers out, he moved into a better position, pushing in slowly, cock all the way in after a few moments. It burned a little, but Dean was long past caring. "Move. Now." He choked out.

Castiel didn't have to be told twice. He grasped Dean's hips hard enough to bruise and pulled back, almost all the way out, and then thrust back into Dean. He felt Dean's fingers in his hair as he picked up speed.

"Mmm you like that baby?" He asked, voice gravelly and eyes dark with desire.  
"Oh god-yes yes yes. Cas!" Dean shouted as Cas's cock brushed against his prostate. "Right there-oh god." He reached to guide Cas's hips to the same spot, shuddering with pleasure as Cas thrust again and again.

"I'm yours, angel." Dean rasped. And that was all it took. Castiel came hard inside Dean, his vision going white for a few seconds. Still gasping from the force of his own orgasm, Cas reached down to fold his fingers around Dean's length, moving quickly. Dean came hard, come spilling all over Cas's hand, which Cas lapped up hungrily.

Both exhausted, Cas finally collapsed on top of Dean, pulling out as he nuzzled into the taller man's chest.

"Dean."

"Yeah Cas?" Dean said, turning his head slightly to look at his lover, who was tucked safely into him.

"Know that neither heaven nor hell can ever pull us apart. I want you. I've always wanted you, and I always will. I'm sorry if I made you feel unwanted."

Dean nuzzled his face into Cas's messy dark hair.  
"I love you, angel."

And Cas just smiled. Holding Dean tight, as if letting go meant losing him. "I love you too, asshole."


End file.
